Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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