Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
