Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
