It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
