Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
