Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
