I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
try to milk me bitch
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