yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
