it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
