even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
