K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Operation Purity has been aborted
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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