He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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