is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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