Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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