there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
