i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
