You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
