i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize