my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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