it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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