Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
