she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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