i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're a waste of cheezeits
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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