I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
