u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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