Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
