I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize