Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
