I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
