But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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