You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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