she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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