I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
