I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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