I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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