You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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