I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
