I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
