Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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