Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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