you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pooping to opera.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
