I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
