too bad you live with your parents still
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
