The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
