Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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