there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
