And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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