apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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