i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
