All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
