If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
