They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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