Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
