Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
