It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
