Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
