Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
