Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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