Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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