No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
