My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
