I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
