so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
