Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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