I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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