I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
