You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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