Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
