Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
