I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
