the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
