I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
