just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I did not marry a roomba.
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