you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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