I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
