i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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