Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
