I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
