Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
