I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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