This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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