I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I forget how to act sober
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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