I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize