He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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