I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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